Vol 4. The stories we carry
This month I met a manatee
I was snorkeling at Terneffe Atoll in Belize, and we spotted a manatee swimming ahead. Slowly, it floated over and looked at us, gently lifted its arm (was it a wave?) and turned and swam away.
It was gentle, calm, and curious.
I want to be that.
I ask my clients all the time: “what qualities do you wish to demonstrate in this interaction?” as we prepare for important conversations or relationship moments.
Authentic. Empathetic. Thoughtful. Curious. Kind.
These are all words that come up frequently. It grounds us in our shared humanity.
Even in the most challenging circumstances, when we remind ourselves how we wish to show up, we tend to demonstrate more patience, openness, and presence.
Amidst everything going on in the world, I'm channeling that young manatee and I'm bringing that same curiosity into my work the past few weeks.
Is there an animal or moment in nature that's ever reminded you of how you want to show up? I'd love to hear it.
Vol 4. The stories we carry
For this month’s installment of my series on Leadership Lessons from Grassroots Organizing, I’m turning to the late Chinese American civil rights and labor organizer, Grace Lee Boggs.
“History is not the past. It is the stories we tell about the past. How we tell these stories - triumphantly or self-critically, metaphysically or dialectally - has a lot to do with whether we cut short or advance our evolution as human beings.” - Grace Lee Boggs
I'm inspired by Boggs's framing that history is a series of stories we tell about the past, and that how we tell them shapes our experience of the present and our vision for the future. I've seen firsthand the way stories can either haunt or motivate a group of people.
The stories we tell, focus us. Sometimes they limit our perspective, and sometimes they expand it. They can either paint us as victims, or paint us as heroes on a hero's journey. They can keep us separated, or bring us together and remind us of our shared humanity.
What stories do you tell in your workplace? I've found that the stories we tell about our organization's histories shape so much of who we are today.
As leaders, we have to pay attention to the stories we are telling. Whether we realize it or not, we are setting the tone for our teams and organizations. If we are participating in complaints about our organization, or repeating narratives that keep people focused on what's broken, we are feeding those stories and giving them permission to grow. Just as importantly, we have to stay curious about what stories our teams are already telling. What is the dominant narrative in your team right now, and where did it come from? You may have had more to do with it than you think.
A few years ago I had the pleasure of facilitating a workshop with my good friend and colleague Jamie Cerretti on the phenomenon we like to call “Organizational Ghosts”. We defined them as “a relic of a former version of your organization, including but not limited to: people, narratives, events, traditions, practices, policies, structures, systems, or behaviors.”
One of the biggest things we talked about was an invitation to examine the stories our teams tells about our organization. Even after an event has long since passed, what is the dominant narrative about it and how does it paint your organization? Does it help people feel motivated and inspired to move forward, or does it read as a complaint that keeps everyone focused on the negative? Stories can be sticky, sometimes they live on long after they’ve served their purpose. If a single story is haunting your team, is it time to lay it to rest permanently? Is it holding you back from becoming a new version of your organization?
Instead, I’ve learned a little bit about appreciative inquiry. Asking questions like, tell me about a time when you felt you truly belonged in our organization? Not “what is wrong” but instead, “what is right.” As the organization changes and evolves, what are the elements of our culture that we want to hold onto?
I’ve since learned that there’s a whole body of research out there on this phenomenon where former leaders “transform their leadership influence into a legacy that will survive death and departure from the organization and continue to impact followers.” This particular article labels this phenomenon somewhat neutrally, but in my mind, it can really hold back an organization from identifying its next version of itself.
In our own experience of work, the stories we tell about our experiences shape how we show up to them.
I recently worked with a client who was struggling with a colleague. They were participating in a work group together and the other person always took initiative to create agendas and assign tasks. The client felt annoyed by this and was telling a story that this person felt superior to the rest of the group. But when we examined that story, they realized that they were so focused on their irritation that it was holding them back from offering their own perspective and expertise. Through coaching they reframed the situation to see that this colleague might have seen upcoming deadlines and felt that the best way to keep the group moving was to do the work herself. Reframing it as a work preferences mismatch allowed the client to hold more compassion for their colleague and share a willingness to collaborate to advance the goals of the group.
My client's story about their colleague wasn't just frustrating them, it was keeping them from contributing their own voice. When they let it go, they could finally move.
What story is haunting your organization right now? What would become possible if you laid it to rest?
A resource I wish I'd had
I've spent time on both sides of the consultant relationship — as a nonprofit leader hiring consultants to help move our work forward, and as a consultant myself navigating relationships from the other side. Both experiences taught me a lot, and both have often left me wishing there was a clearer roadmap or “how-to” guide for how to approach these partnerships.
A community of consultants, myself included, got together and wrote down everything we wished our clients knew — from scoping and budgeting to managing the engagement and closing it out. (Yes, that includes articles that help demystify consultant pricing!) It's free, browsable by stage, and built to be used. I'm sharing it here in case it's useful to you or someone in your network.
I'm grateful to have you along for this exploration of leadership and organizing. If these reflections resonate with you, please consider sharing them with a friend who might benefit. And if you'd like to continue the conversation, you can always reply to this email. I read every response.
In solidarity,
Michaela